Comments on my College Essay Please?!?

A new bed, a new smell, a new language, “Everything here is so different” I think to myself. I’m not sure where my mother is. I don’t understand what is going on, and all I can do is crawl into my new uncomfortable bed and snuggle up with the only thing that is familiar to me, a small stuffed animal cow. I can hear classical music, and my grandparents speaking Japanese outside my room, although I cannot understand what they are saying. My grandmother walks into my room and starts rubbing my back to console me, as I can suddenly feel my small tears running uncontrollably down my cheek. I am four years old, and without any notice have moved from my mother’s house in Boston, to my grandparents’ house in San Francisco.



Things were tough for a while. My grandparents didn’t speak any English, and it was frustrating because they never understood me on the rare occasion I did try to speak with them. For months I cried for my mother, but after a while I understood that she was finishing medical school and was unable to take care of a four year old girl at the same time. To my surprise, I was also able to transition to a new family, and make new friends at a new school. “Even though things are hard, you are always smiling” I remember my kindergarten teacher telling me. She was proud that at the end of the day, I always pulled through an overall happy and curious little girl.



Whenever I tell people the story of where and how I was raised, they often ask me if I’m sad because of all the lost time with my mother. My response never fails to surprise any of them. Although I was separated from both my mother and father, I moved into a loving home with plenty of people who took care of me. There is nothing sad or piteous about the way I was raised, if anything I was lucky to be loved by so many people.



Because I grew up far away from my mother, in a home with two working grandparents, I was forced to be independent. If I wanted to get through the day, I had to suck it up and smile. I saw more reason in being happy, than in sitting at home and sulking about my situation. Although being raised far away from both of my parents was difficult, it showed me that I can be optimistic during the hardest of times.



I will never forget what it’s like to be a helpless child going through a hard situation. I've always been interested in helping kids, and have discovered that I am passionate about teaching them, no matter their background or learning style. Because of my optimism, patience, and my understanding of frustration and want to give up at times, I believe that I'd be successful at motivating them to learn. From my experience, I’ve learned that I can help others by simply loving and taking care of them, just as many did for me.Comments on my College Essay Please?!?
First, helpless doesnt seem like the right word. maybe optionless? i dont know, helpless doesnt sound right.

secondly, these things sound strange:

2nd paragraph:

"I was also able to transition to a new family" (maybe "into a new family"?)

"She was proud that at the end of the day, I always pulled through an overall happy and curious little girl. " (..."as an overall happy..." ?)

last paragraph:

"and my understanding of frustration and want to give up at times, " (and wanting to give up? {should use an ing verb, i think})

Overall it is a fantastic essay! i cant say much else, but maybe you should ask some college friends. I hope this helps! good luck